For whatever reason driving around the town all night listening to Tim Mcgraw and talking about nothin' in particular just feels like home to me.
It's good to be back. Even if I've been running from a lot of the memories here for the past four months. But now all those memories seem like so long ago. So far away that I can't even reach out and touch them anymore.
That's a good thing.
It's good to move on.
Also... I'm now officially 19 YEARS OLD!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy canolie where did the time go?!?! Nobody knows. My very last year of teenager-hood.
Bring it on!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Looking Back
If we stop and look back on our lives we can trace back through all of the decisions we made that got us to where we currently are. Now that my first semester of college has gone by faster than a runaway train it has left me thinking about where the time has gone.
How did I get to be here?
I think as we are living life we don't realize what is happening to ourselves. But then when we grow a little older and get a little taller we are able to finally look back and see everything that happened, and then we realize all that we learned.
And we also smile because we recognize that we are better people than before.
Each day is filled with something new, some other life lesson that we might not realize is changing us until after it is all said and done.
My first semester of college. Now that it has come to a close I can at last look back and see.
Let's be perfectly honest with each other now.. I struggled a lot. I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I am afraid of change, and he is quite right.
We all are in some degree or another - agreed?
But it is good to struggle. That's the only way to grow.
People do say that a lot but as sure as the day is long it's true!
Life changes and so do our situations, we just have to learn to adjust to those changes and make the most out of it. We gotta learn to have faith that it will work out.
That is what I learned this semester. I also realized that everybody else is going through the same darn thing. Who knew, right?
Life is gonna get real good people, just you wait. And this isn't even the beginnin'!
How did I get to be here?
I think as we are living life we don't realize what is happening to ourselves. But then when we grow a little older and get a little taller we are able to finally look back and see everything that happened, and then we realize all that we learned.
And we also smile because we recognize that we are better people than before.
Each day is filled with something new, some other life lesson that we might not realize is changing us until after it is all said and done.
My first semester of college. Now that it has come to a close I can at last look back and see.
Let's be perfectly honest with each other now.. I struggled a lot. I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I am afraid of change, and he is quite right.
We all are in some degree or another - agreed?
But it is good to struggle. That's the only way to grow.
People do say that a lot but as sure as the day is long it's true!
Life changes and so do our situations, we just have to learn to adjust to those changes and make the most out of it. We gotta learn to have faith that it will work out.
That is what I learned this semester. I also realized that everybody else is going through the same darn thing. Who knew, right?
Life is gonna get real good people, just you wait. And this isn't even the beginnin'!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Wide Open Spaces
I think I'm startin to understand what they mean when they talk about a Home on the Range.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still a mountain girl, always will be. But there really is something magical about a huge wide open place, where you can see everything around you for miles and miles, and the sun setting lower and lower on the earth until you could lie down on your stomach and it would be at eye level with yourself. You can't do that with mountains.
That's a place you could really run. There's nothing to stop you, not a single thing for miles around.
And wouldn't ya know it! I'm kind of excited to move to Kansas!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Dreams, Hopes and Fears
My Dreams:
I want to own a flower farm. Or be a florist.
I also want to own some horses.
And a nice little house with a wrap around porch.
I dream of lots of children running in the yard, and a tall man with big, strong hands, a crooked smile and eyes full of love and laughter.
I Hope For:
That man to call me his little darlin' and his sweetheart.
Good health.
To be better everyday.
A life full of hard work, but also lots of love, and a little bit of adventure.
I'm Afraid Of:
Being alone.
Not making the right choices.
Never feeling like I'm home again.
Never progressing.
I want to own a flower farm. Or be a florist.
I also want to own some horses.
And a nice little house with a wrap around porch.
I dream of lots of children running in the yard, and a tall man with big, strong hands, a crooked smile and eyes full of love and laughter.
I Hope For:
That man to call me his little darlin' and his sweetheart.
Good health.
To be better everyday.
A life full of hard work, but also lots of love, and a little bit of adventure.
I'm Afraid Of:
Being alone.
Not making the right choices.
Never feeling like I'm home again.
Never progressing.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Darkness
I watched out the window of our kitchen as the big silver pickup pulled up to the back of the house with the horse trailer. I pulled on my boots and ran out the door, smelling the crisp autumn air in my nostrils. I climbed up in the truck.
"Hey grandpa!"
Dodger, my grandparents dog poked his head in between the door and my seat from the back. I ruffled his fur a little bit. "And hello there to you too Dodgey!"
I could feel the rumble of the diesel engine beneath my feet as we drove toward the canyon, and the wind between my fingers as I stuck my hand out the window. There wasn't much sound. Just a lot of silence as there usually was with my grandfather. A quiet man. But really all that needed to be said could be said simply by being there, going out for another ride.
We reached the trail head and parked the truck along the dirt road. We pulled the horse out from the trailer and I stood at watched as my grandpa saddled it. Taking note of every detail. I led the horse a little ways and then put my little square-toed boot up in the stirrup, grasped the saddle horn and pulled myself up. I let the leather from the reigns run through my fingers. Then I closed my eyes and felt the breeze tossle my hair a little bit. It was quiet, and cool and wonderful. The best sort of day for riding.
We started along the trail in quiet. For a while nothing was said, just a lot of looking at all the pretty leaves of red and gold. I smiled to myself and I heard an elk call in the distance. My grandpa stopped and in turn the horse and the dog stopped too. We all waited there... listening. Another elk called back to the first. We stood in silence for a brief moment. Taking time to hear the beautiful sounds until they eventually died off. We continued on our way.
Before long we reached the beaver ponds, they place we usually stopped to rest and eat. I hopped down from the horse and tied it to a near by tree. We sat down on a log and opened up the little zip lock baggies my grandma had packed for us. PB&J tonight!! Woo!! Grandpa and I made small talk in between bites of sandwich, and when I was through I took a little swig out of the water canteen.
It was really a perfect evening. The sun had begun to sink a little low over the trees, but there was still plenty of light. I knew we would get home before it got dark anyway - I mean we always made it out of the mountains by then anyway right?
I climbed back up onto the saddle and we continued back onto the trail. Turning and twisting through all sorts of trees. I admired all the lovely carvings in the aspens - "J+L", "Mary and Mike", "Ron 1997", etc. I thought about who those people might be. How long ago had it been since they had walked through these trees as I was now doing.
The sun was slowly getting lower and lower on the horizon, till I could no longer see it. There was still light, but we were beginning to descend back into the canyon into a thicket of trees and I knew if we didn't get back soon we'd be stuck in the deepest part of the forest in the darkness.
Granted my dear old grandfather had his six shooter in his holster, loaded. And also Dodger, who is the biggest bear of a dog I'd ever seen. But still, I was beginning to get a little nervous.
"How much longer till we're back to the truck?"
"Ohhh... I'd say only about two miles."
Two miles, I thought. Ok I can do that. It won't get dark by then. No way.
But with each passing tree the little light that still shown over the tops of the mountain peaks began to fade more and more.
About a mile later it was completely dark.
Each sound that came from the forest around me was either a murderer, a rapist, or a bear. I just knew it. Holy crap, I thought. Tonight I am going to die.
On top of the thicket of darkness I was currently surrounded by, we had just reached the steepest, rockiest part of the trail. So not only could I not see a dang thing, I could feel the horse struggling from beneath me to keep steady on the trail.
"Hey grandpa..." I squeeked, "How much longer till we're at the truck?"
I'm pretty sure he could sense the fear in my voice because at that he said.
"Hannah, you don't need to worry. Even though we can't see anything the horses can still see the trail in the dark. They will always lead you back home."
And sure enough that horse led me straight back to the truck.
Maybe I'm gettin' a little sappy here comparing this to the gospel and what not. But whenever I look back on that experience I always compare it to life.
Ya see, in life we are kind of in the darkness. Just like I was on that horse ride on that cool fall night. We can't see a darn thing. We don't know where we're going. But Christ is our light, and even though we can't see, he can. He knows the way home, and if we but only follow him, he will always get us safely back there. We just need to trust in him, trust him enough that he will get us through our darkest of times and take us back to safety. He will always lead us home.
"Hey grandpa!"
Dodger, my grandparents dog poked his head in between the door and my seat from the back. I ruffled his fur a little bit. "And hello there to you too Dodgey!"
I could feel the rumble of the diesel engine beneath my feet as we drove toward the canyon, and the wind between my fingers as I stuck my hand out the window. There wasn't much sound. Just a lot of silence as there usually was with my grandfather. A quiet man. But really all that needed to be said could be said simply by being there, going out for another ride.
We reached the trail head and parked the truck along the dirt road. We pulled the horse out from the trailer and I stood at watched as my grandpa saddled it. Taking note of every detail. I led the horse a little ways and then put my little square-toed boot up in the stirrup, grasped the saddle horn and pulled myself up. I let the leather from the reigns run through my fingers. Then I closed my eyes and felt the breeze tossle my hair a little bit. It was quiet, and cool and wonderful. The best sort of day for riding.
We started along the trail in quiet. For a while nothing was said, just a lot of looking at all the pretty leaves of red and gold. I smiled to myself and I heard an elk call in the distance. My grandpa stopped and in turn the horse and the dog stopped too. We all waited there... listening. Another elk called back to the first. We stood in silence for a brief moment. Taking time to hear the beautiful sounds until they eventually died off. We continued on our way.
Before long we reached the beaver ponds, they place we usually stopped to rest and eat. I hopped down from the horse and tied it to a near by tree. We sat down on a log and opened up the little zip lock baggies my grandma had packed for us. PB&J tonight!! Woo!! Grandpa and I made small talk in between bites of sandwich, and when I was through I took a little swig out of the water canteen.
It was really a perfect evening. The sun had begun to sink a little low over the trees, but there was still plenty of light. I knew we would get home before it got dark anyway - I mean we always made it out of the mountains by then anyway right?
I climbed back up onto the saddle and we continued back onto the trail. Turning and twisting through all sorts of trees. I admired all the lovely carvings in the aspens - "J+L", "Mary and Mike", "Ron 1997", etc. I thought about who those people might be. How long ago had it been since they had walked through these trees as I was now doing.
The sun was slowly getting lower and lower on the horizon, till I could no longer see it. There was still light, but we were beginning to descend back into the canyon into a thicket of trees and I knew if we didn't get back soon we'd be stuck in the deepest part of the forest in the darkness.
Granted my dear old grandfather had his six shooter in his holster, loaded. And also Dodger, who is the biggest bear of a dog I'd ever seen. But still, I was beginning to get a little nervous.
"How much longer till we're back to the truck?"
"Ohhh... I'd say only about two miles."
Two miles, I thought. Ok I can do that. It won't get dark by then. No way.
But with each passing tree the little light that still shown over the tops of the mountain peaks began to fade more and more.
About a mile later it was completely dark.
Each sound that came from the forest around me was either a murderer, a rapist, or a bear. I just knew it. Holy crap, I thought. Tonight I am going to die.
On top of the thicket of darkness I was currently surrounded by, we had just reached the steepest, rockiest part of the trail. So not only could I not see a dang thing, I could feel the horse struggling from beneath me to keep steady on the trail.
"Hey grandpa..." I squeeked, "How much longer till we're at the truck?"
I'm pretty sure he could sense the fear in my voice because at that he said.
"Hannah, you don't need to worry. Even though we can't see anything the horses can still see the trail in the dark. They will always lead you back home."
And sure enough that horse led me straight back to the truck.
Maybe I'm gettin' a little sappy here comparing this to the gospel and what not. But whenever I look back on that experience I always compare it to life.
Ya see, in life we are kind of in the darkness. Just like I was on that horse ride on that cool fall night. We can't see a darn thing. We don't know where we're going. But Christ is our light, and even though we can't see, he can. He knows the way home, and if we but only follow him, he will always get us safely back there. We just need to trust in him, trust him enough that he will get us through our darkest of times and take us back to safety. He will always lead us home.
Alma 26:15
"Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love...."
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Long Johns
All my dreams came true this weekend when we made a little trip down to CAL Ranch and I bought myself a nice pair of red long johns. On the package it says it's called a "Union Suit" hahaha. It has a butt flap and everything!! Oh man this pretty much was the greatest day of my life. They are also surprisingly very warm. Perfect for those cold winter months.
I don't think I've ever been happier!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Derby, KS
As a child there were two places that I vowed I would never move to: Idaho and the midwest. Oddly enough within a year after graduating high school I will have lived in both of these places. Funny how things change, ain't it?
Come January I will be moving to Derby, Kansas for four months. I will be sleeping on a couch and probably working at some grocery store.
Granted, it is not the most glamorous decision that could've been made, but it will certainly be an adventure. I like this time of life, ya know. Cuz you're free to go wherever and do whatever you want. You are single and free and can do with your time whatever you wish. I like that. Plus I know that this time isn't gonna last too long so I better take advantage of it.
Kansas it is, dang it!
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