Dreams and Plans

You guys. I finished my RN program!

If we were to rewind 5 years ago I would have been in absolute disbelief at the thought of such a thing.

I truly never thought this day would come, and guess what... I graduate tomorrow! Amazing.

The most daunting tasks are ahead of me however. I must pass boards, which will determine whether I get an actual license. Which, without it, my education is kind of useless (depending on how you look at it). Then after that I need to learn how to function as an brand new registered nurse at whatever place I get hired at.

If you are a long time reader you will recall several years back when I started working as an LPN how difficult that was for me on an emotional/physical/mental level for about the first 12 months. I have a bit of a fear that will all repeat itself when I start working as a new grad RN at the hospital. I am hopeful however that since I already have 2+ years of licensed nursing experience under my belt  that it won't be quite as bad.

I mean I know how to do the basic nursing tasks with relative confidence... place a foley, give meds, draw blood, start an IV, call the MD, perform an assessment, complete a dressing change, etc. etc. So I'm not worried about doing those sorts of things.

What I am worried about is learning how to function in a completely different work setting, learning the culture, learning how to take care of sicker, less stable patients. Sharpening and polishing critical thinking skills, and learning how to adapt to the specialty I work in. Getting to know the doctors and fellow nurses (hoping they will like me and don't think I'm a total idiot), making friends, and practicing and learning skills and new information that I'm not so familiar with yet!

Pretty much all the fears that come when starting anything brand new. Which I suppose is normal and healthy to a certain extent.

And to add to the anxiety over the course of my RN year I've also come to understand that the place I want to be, without a doubt, is the ICU. Which is the unit of the hospital with the sickest, most critical patients. The thought of learning to become a great ICU nurse is frightening in and of itself.

I laugh at that because several years ago all I would've told you is I just wanted to have some cush, low stress nurse job at a clinic - ha!

There are few things that I have wanted in life or felt as strongly about as I do about wanting to work in the ICU. There are several stories and experiences I've had throughout clinicals and just recognizing how my brain works and functions in nurse mode that led me to want to be in ICU, but there is one in particular that I will never, ever forget.

 To be HIPAA compliant I can't share any details, but to share briefly - it was my turn to go to the ICU for clinical and that day I was assigned to the nurse who had the very sickest patient in the entire hospital. The 12 hour day went by so fast, but also seemed to go in slow motion at the same time. Observing how with proficiency and speed she titrated 12 different IV drips that were simultaneously being infused, and managed the various lines and tubes our patient was hooked up to - foley, central line, arterial line, ventilator, etc. and all the while vigilantly monitoring and assessing the patient - vital signs, urine output, breath sounds, fluid input, etc. etc. etc. was so amazing and incredible to me! And then watching her as our patient coded and she began chest compressions and seeing how no effort was spared by the code team as they diligently tried to keep this person alive, and then personally being able to do chest compressions was such a deeply touching and personal experience for me.

It made me realize what a special place the ICU is. The patients there are often walking a very thin line between life and death, which means the nurses there have a great responsibility to continually monitor and intervene to keep these patients alive and help get them better so they can go home to their families. What a special and sacred responsibility that is. I have a deep respect for ICU nurses and what they do.

Every shift of my preceptorship in the ICU all I could think of was "Why would you want to work anywhere else?!" and that is really what solidified it for me.

So now as I wait to sit for my boards and start applying for jobs, I pray that I can get hired in an ICU where I can learn and grow in the best possible ways! Nursing is such an amazing career and I feel so honored to be a part of it. I have soooo much still to learn and although I'm nervous, I'm also very excited to start working as a Registered Nurse.

My Latest Creations

I've talked about Petunia Felt Co. on here before, not sure if I have any consistent readers these days, but here's an update! I've been kind of obsessed with felt food lately. Felt donuts seem to be a huge hit - they're my biggest sellers.

Felt breakfast set - eggs, bacon and pancakes!

Felt sandwich set - cheese, balogna, tomato, lettuce, bread slices.

All of my stuff is totally handmade and (I feel?) like my prices are pretty cheap. Particularly when you factor in the fact that each project takes houuuurrs. But I've said before, it's a labor of love and I love to do it. I'm not really trying to quit my day job over it but just enjoy having an outlet where I can share the things I make!

So please - be a friend and go visit petuniafeltco.etsy.com and let me know what you think :)

And in case anyone on the internet is wondering, I'm still obsessed with baking.

I keep telling my husband I'm prepping for my audition for the Great British Bake Off.

Which I'm completely 100% serious about. I want to be on that show.

Pictured above is my frosted animal cracker cheesecake! Which was actually really delicious! I was worried it was going to be a bit of a sugar overload, but the cheese-iness aspect offset the sugar cookies well I think.

For my mom/grandma's birthday party this last sunday I made several desserts but only managed to take a picture of one of them... pictured above is my meringue nests filled with blackberry mousse. I love meringue and experimenting with it. It's so cheap to make (all it is, is egg whites and sugar), and you can do so much with it.

Not pretending to be a professional baker/chef here. I'm far from it, but baking is a great way to get my creative juices flowing and the end result is (usually) edible. So it's definitely something I'm loving to do right now.

My Life is Changing Again

You guys, I've noticed a pattern in my life. Maybe it applies to all lives, I'm not really certain... let me know if you've experienced this pattern too.

It goes like this. For a while I go through something very difficult and challenging, where in hindsight I usually can call these 'growing periods'. It's the type of time period where I'm usually struggling with something or another and don't really see the purpose or light of the tunnel while I'm in the thick of it, but when it's all said and done I can look back and be grateful that it all happened. (or at least grateful for what I learned from it all).

Then, after this 'growing period' occurs, I have what I like to call a 'honeymoon period' where life is GRAND. Typically I have very minimal struggles, worries, demands on my time during these periods, and usually these are a lot shorter than my 'growing periods' (sadly).

When I become conscious I'm in a 'honeymoon period' and realize life is pretty easy at that particular moment I also realize that usually means something difficult is about to happen (i.e. a 'growing period' is about to occur, very soon). I'm in the calm before the storm, so to speak.

So, in list format:

GROWING PERIOD:

-a time of trial, difficulties

-significant life lessons usually learned

-becomes valuable/appreciated in hindsight

-significant period of time

HONEYMOON PERIOD:

-only brief in duration

-life is 'easy'

-very happy, easy going time period

-calm before the storm

Anyone else experience this phenomenon?

I feel like right now I'm in the middle of a honeymoon period. Life is pretty awesome right now. I graduate from my RN program this coming friday, only working suuuper part time right now (like 14hrs a week, like nothing, people), and have two weeks worth of vacation planned coming up!

It's a great time of life. But it also leaves me with a sense of foreboding because I know what this all means.

It means something difficult is about to happen!!!

I know as soon as I pass my boards and start a hospital job as an RN life is going to be really difficult again. If it's anything like my first year working as an LPN I know I have some rocky times ahead of me.

I'm sooo excited to start working at the hospital, but I'm also scared to death of it. I know it's the challenge that awaits me after this honeymoon period finally comes to a close.

I know I can do it though. I've survived my life thus far, I think I can make it through this next set of challenges. Especially since I know I have Heavenly Father working on my side.

A wise man - Thomas S. Monson once said:

"Do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks."

I love that.

Don't shy away from difficult things. They're scary, they're rough, they're exhausting. They may cause you to lose 15lbs in one month and go on antidepressants but you can make it through, haha!

Some other person also said "comfort is the enemy of progress" and I've also heard "there's no comfort in growth".

All true, true, true.

So while I may be in the calm before my own next personal storm, I feel like I am ready to face it. For I know I will come out the other side a better person.

I'm Officially a Small Business Owner

Well... kind of.

In a 'I opened an Etsy shop sort of way'.

I mentioned a few posts back but I started creating all sorts of felt projects and really wanted an outlet to share them with people! I'm working a ton of different things to sell but right now I've got these cute little felt bow clips and wooden bead pacifier clips right now that are listed.

Sooooo... if you're interested please go check it out!

petuniafeltco.etsy.com

Also if you want to follow along and see everything I'm making my instagram is @petuniafeltcompany

I've always been a creative person and I just love challenging myself with new projects and attempting to recreate things I see on Pinterest or out in the world and put my own twist on it.

I'll probably share more as the shop grows too so stay tuned :)

Recent Happenings

 You guys, I'm on a blogging roll! Three posts in one night, haha. That probably breaks some sort of unspoken blogging rule but who cares.

I'm in my FINAL SEMESTER of my RN program! Absolute craziness. I started precepting (it's kind of like an internship for nurses) in the ICU and I LOVE it. I'm such an OCD, detail oriented person as it is so I really thrive in that environment. In the ICU you only have 1-2 patients because they are so critically ill. But the great thing is you get to really focus in and learn about the disease processes that are going on and learn in detail about the medications and interventions used to treat them. I just find it all very fascinating. I used to be so intimidated by ventilators and arterial lines and sedation, but I feel like now that I am becoming more familiar with it it's not as scary as it used to be. Don't get me wrong though, I still have sooo much to learn. Really when you're a nurse the learning process should never stop though. You should always be learning and growing. That's what I love about it.

It was my grandpa Greene's birthday last week and we went over to my grandma's house to celebrate. I love my grandparents so much, they have been such a support to me in all that I do. Also my grandma calls me almost every day to see how I'm doing which is awesome. I grew up down the street from them, so we have always been close. It's hard to watch them grow older, but that's all a part of life, I suppose.

In January my mom took a travel nursing position in Hawaii! Isn't that awesome? It's only for three months so she'll actually come home in like 8 weeks but I still have been missing her a lot! I am so proud of her though for pursuing a dream she had. With her absence my parents house has been left to the care of my two younger brothers and my dad which has been a little 'iffy' to say the least. I don't think any of them knew how to do laundry prior to this actually... but they seem to be surviving ok.

Well friends this concludes tonight's blogging binge. Till next time, old chaps.

Petunia Felt Company

I've discussed this on here previously, but my mental health took a serious hit with beginning my nursing career and now that I've watched other friends on their own journeys I've realized it's not so uncommon to feel anxiety, depression and burnout, when beginning really any sort of career!

After many, many tearful episodes and horrible, hopeless days I realized I had to come up with some sort of coping mechanism to help me deal with the insurmountable stress I was feeling.

In fact one of my nursing school friends tells me all the time that the only difference between me and you and the people at the nut house is that we have better coping mechanisms than they do! Ha!

It really is so true. It's a fine line between sanity and craziness and the only thing keeping you from crossing that line is how you deal with life's stressors.

My coping mechanism of choice was to immerse myself in different hobbies and interests so that NURSING wasn't the only thing that defined my life. I needed other pursuits to help me realize that I had more purpose than just being a 'nurse'.

I think that goes with any type of career or life situation. Stay at home moms get burnout too and I think it's because they become so immersed in being 'mom' that they lose sight of all the other aspects of their life!

Each of us are individuals that have MANY talents and passions and interests and 'hats' to fill so to speak. We cannot be defined by one singular angle of our lives. There is so much more to us than "Oh she's a good..."fill in the blank". It's oh she's good at "fill in the blank" but also great at this, this and this!

So I'll hop off my soap box now, but just saying, the way I found best to cope and deal with my anxiety was by pursuing different hobbies to help me take my mind off of work.

It kind of happened randomly, but I stumbled across different tutorials on Pinterest on 'needle felting' and kind of fell in love with the idea of it! I also made little felt gardens for my nieces for Christmas and realized felt was such a cheap and fun material to use to make things with.

Thus Petunia Felt Co. was born (follow me along on instagram @petuniafeltcompany).

I want to open an etsy shop once I get some more inventory to stock it with, but here are some of the projects I've been working on :)

Farm animal baby mobile!

And little felt baby shoes! Go to my instagram to see more, if you're interested :)

Recent Bakes

Despite the fact that I may have already watched all the Great British Bake Off episodes available on Netflix, my passion for baking has not yet diminished. I have had so much fun exploring all the recipes I can find on Pinterest and attempting to make them!

Here I present to you my 2018 bakes!

My interpretation of lemon meringue pie! With colored meringue.

The next day I bought a blow torch and so decided to make lemon meringue pie AGAIN, just so I could test it out on toasting the meringue. A nice look I think :)

Since the purchase of the blow torch I've pretty much been looking for all sorts of excuses to use it, so here we have a smores tart with toasted marshmallow topping. The chocolate graham crust is filled with chocolate custard.

Tagalong pie (yes, based off of the girl scout cookie).

I made a very unsuccessful attempt at mirror glaze back in like December I think and so I had to attempt it again, and this time I felt pretty successful! You've probably seen those 'galaxy' mirror glaze cakes if you're ever on Pinterest and it is rather trendy at the moment. You use gelatin and sweetened condensed milk to help it stick to the dessert and shine.

When my best friend Shelby was in town visiting we decided to try our skills at making macarons and I was quite pleased with the result! The recipe Shelby found is amazing and seems to make full proof macarons every single time I've attempted it. I've used other macaron recipes and none of the others seemed to work out quite as well as this one.

That of course sparked a bit of a macaron obsession and I made three batches of three different flavors in one week after that. These were my favorites, raspberry lemon :)

Back in jr. high I had quite the passion for baking, I remember I used to pull out my dad's Betty Crocker cookbook and try out all the different 'fancy' recipes like biscotti and chocolate souffle. Then once I hit high school I became immersed in other hobbies and sort of forgot about it. Then of course Great British Bake Off appeared and the rest is history.

I find baking to be such a stress reliever, and it's also a fun way to challenge yourself and learn new skills and techniques. It's also a bonus for family and friends because of course they get to be the taste testers.

My goals for this year are to improve my bread baking abilities. It is always something I've felt quite intimidated by and I would love to learn to be more confident at it. Hopefully I can practice enough that by the end of 2018 Paul Hollywood will be proud.