Friday, November 18, 2011

Dreams, Hopes and Fears

My Dreams:


I want to own a flower farm. Or be a florist.

I also want to own some horses.

And a nice little house with a wrap around porch.

I dream of lots of children running in the yard, and a tall man with big, strong hands, a crooked smile and eyes full of love and laughter.


I Hope For:

That man to call me his little darlin' and his sweetheart.

Good health.

To be better everyday.

A life full of hard work, but also lots of love, and a little bit of adventure.


I'm Afraid Of:

Being alone.

Not making the right choices.

Never feeling like I'm home again.

Never progressing.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Darkness

I watched out the window of our kitchen as the big silver pickup pulled up to the back of the house with the horse trailer. I pulled on my boots and ran out the door, smelling the crisp autumn air in my nostrils. I climbed up in the truck.

"Hey grandpa!"

Dodger, my grandparents dog poked his head in between the door and my seat from the back. I ruffled his fur a little bit. "And hello there to you too Dodgey!"

I could feel the rumble of the diesel engine beneath my feet as we drove toward the canyon, and the wind between my fingers as I stuck my hand out the window. There wasn't much sound. Just a lot of silence as there usually was with my grandfather. A quiet man. But really all that needed to be said could be said simply by being there, going out for another ride.

We reached the trail head and parked the truck along the dirt road. We pulled the horse out from the trailer and I stood at watched as my grandpa saddled it. Taking note of every detail. I led the horse a little ways and then put my little square-toed boot up in the stirrup, grasped the saddle horn and pulled myself up. I let the leather from the reigns run through my fingers. Then I closed my eyes and felt the breeze tossle my hair a little bit. It was quiet, and cool and wonderful. The best sort of day for riding.

We started along the trail in quiet. For a while nothing was said, just a lot of looking at all the pretty leaves of red and gold. I smiled to myself and I heard an elk call in the distance. My grandpa stopped and in turn the horse and the dog stopped too. We all waited there... listening. Another elk called back to the first. We stood in silence for a brief moment. Taking time to hear the beautiful sounds until they eventually died off. We continued on our way.



Before long we reached the beaver ponds, they place we usually stopped to rest and eat. I hopped down from the horse and tied it to a near by tree. We sat down on a log and opened up the little zip lock baggies my grandma had packed for us. PB&J tonight!! Woo!! Grandpa and I made small talk in between bites of sandwich, and when I was through I took a little swig out of the water canteen.



It was really a perfect evening. The sun had begun to sink a little low over the trees, but there was still plenty of light. I knew we would get home before it got dark anyway - I mean we always made it out of the mountains by then anyway right?

I climbed back up onto the saddle and we continued back onto the trail. Turning and twisting through all sorts of trees. I admired all the lovely carvings in the aspens - "J+L", "Mary and Mike", "Ron 1997", etc. I thought about who those people might be. How long ago had it been since they had walked through these trees as I was now doing.



The sun was slowly getting lower and lower on the horizon, till I could no longer see it. There was still light, but we were beginning to descend back into the canyon into a thicket of trees and I knew if we didn't get back soon we'd be stuck in the deepest part of the forest in the darkness.

Granted my dear old grandfather had his six shooter in his holster, loaded. And also Dodger, who is the biggest bear of a dog I'd ever seen. But still, I was beginning to get a little nervous.

"How much longer till we're back to the truck?"

"Ohhh... I'd say only about two miles."

Two miles, I thought. Ok I can do that. It won't get dark by then. No way.

But with each passing tree the little light that still shown over the tops of the mountain peaks began to fade more and more.

About a mile later it was completely dark.

Each sound that came from the forest around me was either a murderer, a rapist, or a bear. I just knew it. Holy crap, I thought. Tonight I am going to die.

On top of the thicket of darkness I was currently surrounded by, we had just reached the steepest, rockiest part of the trail. So not only could I not see a dang thing, I could feel the horse struggling from beneath me to keep steady on the trail.

"Hey grandpa..." I squeeked, "How much longer till we're at the truck?"

I'm pretty sure he could sense the fear in my voice because at that he said.

"Hannah, you don't need to worry. Even though we can't see anything the horses can still see the trail in the dark. They will always lead you back home."

And sure enough that horse led me straight back to the truck.

Maybe I'm gettin' a little sappy here comparing this to the gospel and what not. But whenever I look back on that experience I always compare it to life.

Ya see, in life we are kind of in the darkness. Just like I was on that horse ride on that cool fall night. We can't see a darn thing. We don't know where we're going. But Christ is our light, and even though we can't see, he can. He knows the way home, and if we but only follow him, he will always get us safely back there. We just need to trust in him, trust him enough that he will get us through our darkest of times and take us back to safety. He will always lead us home.

Alma 26:15

"Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love...."


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Long Johns

All my dreams came true this weekend when we made a little trip down to CAL Ranch and I bought myself a nice pair of red long johns. On the package it says it's called a "Union Suit" hahaha. It has a butt flap and everything!! Oh man this pretty much was the greatest day of my life. They are also surprisingly very warm. Perfect for those cold winter months.





 
I don't think I've ever been happier!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Derby, KS



As a child there were two places that I vowed I would never move to: Idaho and the midwest. Oddly enough within a year after graduating high school I will have lived in both of these places. Funny how things change, ain't it?

Come January I will be moving to Derby, Kansas for four months. I will be sleeping on a couch and probably working at some grocery store.

Granted, it is not the most glamorous decision that could've been made, but it will certainly be an adventure. I like this time of life, ya know. Cuz you're free to go wherever and do whatever you want. You are single and free and can do with your time whatever you wish. I like that. Plus I know that this time isn't gonna last too long so I better take advantage of it.

Kansas it is, dang it!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Satisfaction

It seems right as one becomes satisfied with life, you get knocked right back down because God has even higher heights in mind for you, and as long as you are satisfied you won't be making any efforts to get higher.

So alas, we are knocked down.

                                                      down.
                                                                        down.

And when we are at the bottom we want to get back up the ladder because we miss that comfortable little rung we were at before because it was just the right height to pick cherries. So then we struggle for a while on our gradual ascent and then once we reach that rung again - the one we used to pick cherries at, we look up and realize that there is still more ladder for us to climb. So we continue to climb and find ourselves at an even higher place, with an even better view. Above that cherry tree.

Views of the ocean front variety.

Ya get what I'm sayin'?

And thus is life.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Seventeen

Sometimes I wish I was 17 again.

Ok ok. I realized I'm only 18 and 10/12, but still.

17 is a magical age. The prime of teenage life, as my best friend often puts it. The time where you can fall in love for the first time and believe that there's nothing else in the world. The time where you get in your car and you drive to wherever the heck you feel like, just because you can. And you feel invincible. Like nothing could ever get in your way because you're older now and you have your whole entire life ahead of you. And you really do believe nothing can stand in your way, because hey, you're 17 and you can go down to Del Taco well past midnight just because you can.

And then that magical year beneath the sun and the trees fades and then you turn 18, and then you turn 19 and suddenly your realize you're teenager-hood is over. And although you still have your whole life ahead of you, you are no longer invincible because you have real life worries and now you have your future to think about.

But at 17. You're still invincible, and the only real worries you have are typically regarding what adventure you're going to go on this weekend.

It really is a magical age.

I'm too nostalgic for my own good.



Now don't you dare go tellin' me you haven't heard this song before. And don't go tellin' me you don't like it. Because I know ya do. At least just a little for sentimental reasons.

A heart don't forget somethin like that.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Midnight

It's not that I intentionally stay up this late. It just happens.

I come home from school, and like the majority of normal people in the world I am in no way filled with a burning desire to do my homework. In fact it's quite the opposite.

And so I sit and stare at my computer screen, log into facebook, get up and get myself a cold one (calm down you, I'm just talking about a Dr. Pepper!) and then go sit back down, log out of facebook, jam to some tunes, get up again, dance around in the hallway, make fun of Ashley... you know the usual. And suddenly before I even know it, it's like 11 o' clock! Then I crack down and start getting serious about all the homework business and right as I open up my assignment I look out the window and what do I see?

Not popcorn popping on the apricot tree.

But a handsome man. Then said man must of course be discussed with my fellow females.

Then it's like 11:34 and I have no idea what happened with my life.

So once again I find myself at the kitchen table, 12:10pm, and the blinds have been shut for good measure. I can't have any more handsome men or other crazy events outside distracting me. Honestly I am so focused right now that the building could start on fire and I would persist with my homework! After using the convenient fire extinguisher one foot behind me.

Really. Procrastination is a serious problem you guys. Someone should really do something about it.