The Truth About Happily Ever After

marriage is work.

Like anything else in life, you actually have to work at being married. In fact you probably have to work more at that than anything else.

I was reading a book yesterday about marriage and relationships, it mentioned the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I already knew that, but what startled me is that half of the 50% that stay together report being unhappy about their marriage.

Well that's pathetic.

So only 50% of married people are actually satisfied about being married?

I can guarantee you that 99% of those people are completely happy with their marriages on day one, none of them intended to divorce, none of them fathomed the fact that one day they might become unhappy.

So what the heck changed?

Forgive my frankness on a subject that I have limited knowledge on, but I believe that the vast majority, if not all of divorces are the product of selfishness on the part of one or both parties. Granted, I respect and believe that there are indeed legitimate cases for divorce, one of which would be abuse in any shape or form. I also respect the fact that it is not always both parties fault, often times there are innocent victims. I definitely want to be sensitive towards that, however I believe that there is always at least one person who was selfish who is to blame.

Also I believe that the reason that the 50% of unhappily married people are unhappy also is a result of selfishness on one or both ends.

Life is not perfect, and there will inevitably be challenges, trials, and unexpected turns that can cause misery and sadness. That is normal and expected. In life you can plan on having times where you aren't feeling your best or you are feeling sad. However, prolonged and voluntary unhappiness is selfish.

Why do I say that?

Well by choosing to be unhappy you are automatically disqualifing yourself from doing the good in this world that God intended you to do and also you are dragging a bunch of others down with your own negativity.

Happiness is a choice.

What makes this statement particularly challenging in a marriage relationship is that it has two parties, and both of those parties have their own agency. So just because you choose to be happy doesn't necessarily mean your partner will. This is rough, and sad, but also something you have to understand before entering a marriage - you can never guarantee what the other person will choose to do. What you can do is to get to know the person and their character as much as possible before entering a marriage, and if you judge their character to be good the best you can do is hope and pray that they will remain faithful, true and use their agency for right and support them to the best of your abilities, and what is even more important is that you make sure YOU are doing YOUR best. When one person in a relationship can see that the other person is doing their best, they will more than likely be inspired to do the same. You reap what you sow. Most of the time.

Nathan's branch president told us that if each of us give 100% to our relationship, then on the days when one person can only give 50%, or even 0%, there will still be 100% there to buoy up the relationship. These are wise words. Always be giving your all.

Although I do believe God intended all of us to be happy and receive joy in the marriage relationship, he did know that we aren't perfect, so our marriage relationships won't be either, but we as human beings can be doing a whole heck of a lot better than we currently are.

Really people, more than 25% of the marriages in this world can be happy and successful and lasting. We can do better than that.

By choosing to be happy, giving our all, and being our best, forgiving freely, and most importantly by giving to each other and loving each other with a little more tenderness. We'd all have much better and more fulfilling relationships if we did.

 

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

- Thomas S. Monson