Lately I have been SO tired.
As in I can't get out of bed before 1030 tired.
As in I sleep 10 hours a night on my days off tired.
As in I drink 100,000 oz of caffeine a day, trying to battle my tiredness, tired.
I've been working about 50 hours a week since I began my new job as a nurse. The first two months were REALLY hard for me. I felt a copious amount of anxiety every time I'd go into work and I'd suffer even more anxiety for the days following my shifts. I spent all my time off worrying about work. I'd dream about it every night! It was awful.
I'd cry a lot and for the first time in my life I felt really low, and well to be honest, depressed.
I had never really experienced many emotional struggles or difficulties in my life up to this point. I had always felt happy. I mean sure you get blue days now and again, but I'd never experienced such a long streak of utter sadness.
I've been praying a lot and feel like this time of struggle has been good in a sense because I have had to rely on God constantly for help. I've asked Nathan to give me a lot of blessings in the course of the last few months, and they have all been very reassuring. It's nice to know that God is there and has your back even (and honestly, especially when) you're going through difficult times.
My mom had a good talk with me and out of tough love scheduled an appointment with a doctor so I could get on some anti-depressants about 6 weeks ago.
And although I put up a good fight and insisted I didn't need to be on anti-depressants I'm immensely grateful that I did start on them, because it has helped SO much.
Like really, I feel so much better.
I know there's a stigma associated with anxiety and depression, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I've struggled with it recently.
Frankly the vast majority of people suffer it at some point in their lives, and it seems to be increasingly more common among my generation.
I am about to hit my three month mark of being a nurse and although I still have a looooonnnngggg way to go until I am completely comfortable with my position, and I know I still have a lot to improve upon in my life overall, I am feeling better day by day.
"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill"
-Henry B. Eyring
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I love the openness - and glad you are feeling better!! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing an honest post about what you have been going through. I think a busy schedule/ very little sleep would make depression so much harder. I am glad that you are slowly feeling better all of the time. Sometimes our mommas still know exactly what we need!
ReplyDeleteThis is a refreshing post. Sometimes I have "off" days or weeks or even months and I cut myself a little slack until I'm feeling back up to it. Like, I don't work long hours and go to sleep early, or I get fast food instead of cooking dinner, or I ask Stephen to do my chores on top of his. Sometimes I feel guilty but I know it's what I need to do to not get burned out on life. Your new job sounds so stressful, and I'm sure it'll only take a little time to adjust - I'm glad you're taking care of yourself!
ReplyDelete- leah
leahjoan.com
I'm glad you're feeling better! The same thing happened to me and I finally went to therapy. After 2 sessions I was able to pinpoint why I was feeling so anxious and depressed, and now I'm over it!
ReplyDeleteU go gurl!
Ever since I've known you you've been an incredible example of optimism and you're just such a positive person. You are still that person! With how your schedule is and with learning brand new things, that can really stress your body out. You're doing great! And you are SO capable of learning new things.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I haven't personally struggled with this, I know so many people who do and I think it's great you're addressing it! I'm sure a high-stress job like nursing is a huge factor but speaking for those of us who AREN'T nurses, I'm grateful someone does it!
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