Bah.

All I can say is, God, I really hope you know what you're doing.

Cuz I sure don't.

And I'm sorry that I really really struggle sometimes with listening to you.

And right when I think I've figured things out I realize that I totally haven't, but I trust you know what's best for me.

I trust you.

Roses are Red

My love of flowers began when I was just a wee young lass, picking dandelions and braiding them into halos, taking the lilacs and roses from the yard and putting them in mason jars to set on the kitchen counter.

But the real love affair didn't begin to blossom (pun intended hehe) until three years back when I walked out onto my balcony one early summer evening and said to myself, this roof could use some fixing up.

So I drove my recently driver's licensed self to the nursery, and with quite a limited knowledge in the floral world I simply picked out a couple cases of stuff that looked the prettiest and easiest to manage. It was a wild success.

My dreary balcony was transformed into a secret roof garden, that I loved most dearly. Many nights I spent out on my roof, admiring the pansies and geraniums. Sitting in my lawn chair reading books and eating otter pops.

So I continued that tradition for the next two summers, and my love affair of flowers soon turned into a secret ambition to be a florist.

I spoke of it to no one.

Then college came and half way through my first semester I decided my elementary education major was not really the path I wanted to take. I can barely remember what I learned throughout my public schooling days, let alone try to teach it to a bunch of little kids. They'd leave elementary school not even knowing how to read if I was in charge. I mean seriously.

So I said to myself, dang it Hannah, you make that old secret ambition of yours a reality! It's time to follow your dreams. Chase the stars. Reach for something better.

Soft, soft tears sprang from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as I thought of my future ambitions and the steps I would take to make them come true.

I walked into the counseling office of the Ag and Life Sciences department, I slammed my books on the desk, looked that secretary in the eye and said to her:

"I'd like to change my major!!"

Taken aback by my ferocity she quickly punched a few things into her computer and told me to wait just a moment.

And just like that I changed my major to Horticulture, with an emphasis in floral design. I was beginning to realize my dreams of being a florist. It was finally coming true.

The semester's end crept up on me, I moved to the midwest, and found a job (conveniently?) at a flower shop. Don't ask me how it happened because I have no idea. Seriously no where else called me back except for the flower shop. It was weird.

Anyway, the ladies there taught me to design, wash buckets, process flowers, and various other flower shop responsibilites. It was a bit surreal that I was there, working at a flower shop, learning the tricks of the trade. After three months my desires to be a florist were only solidfied and strengthened. I really feel like I am on the right track. Yes indeed.

So someday, my friends, I will be a the lady who arranges those beautiful bouquets you send to your friends on their birthdays or to your mama on mother's day. That's me. Hannah Abbott the Florist.

Perhaps I shall even have a flower shop of my very own.

And that is the story of my flower love affair.

Runaway

While I'm procrastinating doing more important things like setting up my graduation plan for college, I decided to write a post, since I've been lacking in the posting area for some time.

Oh Kansas. Sweet heartland of a America. As I look out my window I see a giant thunderstorm approaching me here. Hopefully it does not kill me. That would be an unfortuante end.

Anyway. There is something about firefighters here that I just do not understand. I am going on a date tonight with now the second firefighter this week. He is also a cowboy though, with a cute accent, and he's been calling me "miss" so how on earth could I refuse?

He is also kind of a stranger though, I mean I barely even know him. I suppose as long as he's not a serial killer or a rapist I should be ok. Keep your fingers crossed for me, ladies.

I've been working at a flower shop while I've been out here and it's absolutely wonderful. I love every minute of it. Except for the washing buckets part. But even that is great sometimes.

I am in this weird in-between-ness (word?) of missing home and not wanting to leave Kansas. I like it here a lot, I've made friends and stuff. (Hush, hush, I know you're surprised). And really, truly I have been so blessed and have learned some great life lessons and what not. But it's been challenging too.

Sometimes very challenging.

I'll just skip all the mushy stuff for a later date though.

and now, I must stop procrastinating.

peace out.

oh p.s. Cassady C. If you are reading this you need to write me a letter back, littly missy!

Yeah I'll have the double, with fries.

I don't have really anything in particular to say so I'm just going to spew all over this blog whatever goes through my head in the next fifteen minutes.

Today, I conquered a fear of mine. I am afraid of driving through busy places I'm not familiar with. Derby is not such a busy place, but Wichita, which is quite close to it, is. Wichita has 600,000 thousand people in it. That's a lot, alright. Driving through Wichita scares the dang crap out of me. But I knew had I to do it, because later tonight I have to go to Institute and it's in Wichita and I've never driven there by myself before. So I practiced. And I thought to myself, Hannah, you're going to climb this mountain. You're going to overcome this fear. So I put the pedal to the metal and I drove to the institute building. Successfully. Without getting in a car wreck. I was scared to death but I did it and now I feel quite proud of myself.

Also, one of my weaknesses is not being able to say what I mean very well. I'm not very articulate. I feel one thing and I just can't possibly explain it in any sort of understandable manner. It's really quite unfortunate. I try and I try, but the words that come out of my mouth just don't do what I actually feel justice. I wish I was a more powerful speaker, and had a little more charisma, but alas, I don't. I'm shy and get uncomfortable with things that are unknown to me. I like to feel safe, secure. But I purposely force myself to do stuff that's out of my comfort zone because I know that it's good for me. But it literally tortures me to do it. Serously, driving that car downtown today scared the crap out of me, but I did it anyway, and now I feel slightly better about life but it still makes me nervous.

And surprise, surprise, I am homesick. Although to a lesser extent than I was at the beginning of college so I guess it's slightly better. It's a different sort of homesick. It's more like, wow. I really miss my home and people that I love and my friends and family and going to the sticky shoe on saturday nights and eating maverick yogurt. I also really miss my grandparents. I miss talking to them all the time and going over to their house. But I understand that this is the place I'm supposed to be right now so it's ok, but I just really miss home. And I know that the world isn't going to stop just because I'm not there right now. Home is going to continue changing and the people are going to continue to move on with their lives. The simple fact of the matter is that while I can always go back there, and I can never really go back. You pickin' up my drift?

But somehow this is all for the greater good. I know it is. Also I know God is going to take care of me. I. Know. It. The big man upstairs isn't gonna let me down just as long as I am obediant. That's all that matters when it comes down to it. Faith and obediance, faith and obediance. Remember that, kids.

And I can't forget about that boy that has a crooked smile. Because I like it. And sometimes I wish he'd go away but I know that's stupid of me, because I really really appreciate hearing from him every week. It means so much to me, he means a lot to me. But since I have a problem with saying what I actually feel I wonder if I'll ever be able to tell him that without sounding like a complete idiot.

Heck ya!

The time will come when you will fall in love.

It will occupy all of your thoughts and be the stuff of which your

dreams are made.  There can be so much happiness if there is

an effort to please and an overwhelming desire to make

comfortable and happy ones companion.  You will know no

greater happiness than that found in your home.  The truest

mark of your success in life will be the quality of your

marriage.  I could wish for you nothing more wonderful

than the love, the absolute total love, of a companion of

whom you are proud and worthy in every respect.

- President Hinkley

Back in the Mid-west

First day on the job!

Hannah Abbott. Normal red-headed girl,  has been uprooted to America's Heartland. The great mid-western state of Kansas. Where the amber waves of grain roll beautifully in the seemingly relentless wind. Where the big blue sky stretches on forever and where the phrase "wide open spaces" takes on a whole new meaning. It is lovely here. The people are friendly and smile at you, and the sun shines for the most part.

They say the times you really find yourself is when you lose yourself. And that my friends, is true. In many different senses I suppose. But sometimes you just have to wind up getting lost, and it really is the best thing that could happen because when you're lost often times that's the best time to find yourself again. Anyway, I'm really trying to be deep and profound if you couldn't tell. But what I'm really getting at here is that we think we know where we're headed in life, we think we know where we're going and what's gonna happen. Then suddenly a big whirlwind picks you up and lands you in the middle of nowhere, where you know no one and you're not really you anymore, you become someone a little different. And that someone different is someone better than you were before, and things that would've been lost on you beforehand, are now clear as a bell. Lots of great lessons to be learned when you get lost, let me tell ya.

Go listen to the Brad Paisley song "Find Yourself" if you really want to hear what I'm talkin' about, cuz pretty sure I just slaughtered that. It was all clear in my head but sometimes what I'm thinking doesn't come out well through my fingers. Just go listen to the dang song.

Kansas is good though. I like it out here. I miss home a lot, and I miss mi familia, but this is all for the betterment of myself. I've had the opportunity to really slow down and take a look at myself and who I am out here, and I never had that time before. So it's good. I spend my time writing letters to people and working two jobs and hanging out with my aunt. I can't complain. I'm well fed and I have a bed to sleep on.

And, drum roll please....

THE QT IS HERE!!!! Oh boy. Oh golly good gosh. The QT, or the "Quik Trip" is the world's greatest gas station ever. It is beautiful, glorious, wonderful. It's indescrible. They have a whole wall dedicated to various fountain drinks, and shakes of all flavors, and endless rows of candies of every shape and size. I'm a bit of a gas station connoisseur so excuse me here for being so excited about a convenience store but it really is beautiful. By far one of the best things Kansas has to offer.

Well kids, there's no place like home, but Kansas isn't half bad.

The Great Commandment

My most favoritest quote of all time is:

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

It comes from my most favoritest talk in the world by President Ezra Taft Benson which you can access right here.

Anyway in essence what President Benson is saying is that if we but only put God first, everything else shall fall into its proper place. Nothing else matters. We do that first and all will work out as it should. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims of our affection - meaning the it will govern the people we seek after to spend our time with. It influences our friends as well as any sort of relationships we may pursue. The demands on our time, the interests we pursue - meaning it will also influence the jobs we seek after, entertainment, hobbies, etc. It will influence what we choose to do with our lives, as well as govern the order of our priorities, meaning once again, if we but put God first, then our priorities will straighten out, and things that are most important to us will change for the better.

Pretty much, life is simple. We love God, and all else is well. Not saying we still won't struggle and have trials, but rather we'll have more strength to push through and learn from those trials. Our lives will go as they should if we but choose to follow the first commandment, which is to love God.

Easy enough, eh.