Yeehaw

Nathan and I went for a horseback ride by the lake last night and despite being eaten alive by swarms of bugs we had an exceptional time. I've said it once, I'll say it again, nothing is better than being on the back of a horse.

.......except maybe walking through the gates of Disneyland. That one is up for debate.

We've got a serious hottie on our hands here people! Nathan doesn't ride nearly as often as I do but I'm thinking about getting him on horses more often this summer. Considering the fact he's a country boy n' all I think it is pretty much a requirement that he gains this crucial skill. Plus doesn't he just look like a natural?

OK, I had to share the above picture because I was in the drive-thru at JCW's and I casually take a glance in my rear view mirror and I see these kids pull up behind me in a GOLF CART! Haha, I love that. Reminds me of some rebellious thing I might do. All the roads surrounding JCW's are really busy roads, so I'm not entirely sure how they even got there in their golf cart, but however they did, it's awesome. Hats off to them.

A Jumble

2016 has been one strange roller coaster ride for me. I've discovered sides of myself I never even knew existed - the good, the bad and the ugly.

We are currently on the brink of moving and we are entirely at a loss as of what to do. I will spare you the boring details but pretty much our choices consist of play it safe and stick around Utah County, or sacrifice another two years of our lives and live in poverty so Nathan can do two more years of school in Logan.

We visited Logan this past weekend, and while I recognize that Cache Valley is indeed a lovely area I was just NOT getting good vibes from it.

I have nothing against small towns either, mind you. I love small towns and all their charm. I mean hell, Nathan grew up in Driggs, Idaho: population 103.

But as for Logan, I just wasn't feeling it.

All my life I've felt fairly confident in my life choices, but as for what we should do on this matter I am at an utter loss. Totally dumbfounded. Maybe it's because my wants and my better judgement are out of sync, I don't know.

So where we shall live and what Nathan is going to do about either continuing his education further or not is to be determined.

It gives me a headache just thinking about it so let's stop.

In other news it was 'Nurse's Week' this past week. Which really doesn't mean a whole lot, but I did get a bag of various snack foods from my work so I guess that was cool.

My first three months as an LPN have been a real trial by fire, but my nurse confidence it getting better I think. You know they say it takes three years for a nurse to be even considered 'competent'? That's a long time, folks, and I still have another year of nursing school left. I love my job though. I love the cute old people I take care of, and I love being the nurse in charge. It's awesome.

I can feel that summer is right around the corner, and I've been itching to participate in all my favorite summer-y activities! I think Nathan and I will be purchasing long boards this year fo' sho'. Also I can't wait to get the first initiatory summer snow cone and go hang out at the swimming pool. We went to my brother's baseball game this last week, and if baseball doesn't speak summer I don't know what does.

Nathan loves it when I snap pictures of him in the car, HA! He loves me.

Whelp. It's been a real slice. Wishing you all a fantastic week!

The Cold, Hard Truth

Lately I have been SO tired.

As in I can't get out of bed before 1030 tired.

As in I sleep 10 hours a night on my days off tired.

As in I drink 100,000 oz of caffeine a day, trying to battle my tiredness, tired.

I've been working about 50 hours a week since I began my new job as a nurse. The first two months were REALLY hard for me. I felt a copious amount of anxiety every time I'd go into work and I'd suffer even more anxiety for the days following my shifts. I spent all my time off worrying about work. I'd dream about it every night! It was awful.

I'd cry a lot and for the first time in my life I felt really low, and well to be honest, depressed.

I had never really experienced many emotional struggles or difficulties in my life up to this point. I had always felt happy. I mean sure you get blue days now and again, but I'd never experienced such a long streak of utter sadness.

I've been praying a lot and feel like this time of struggle has been good in a sense because I have had to rely on God constantly for help. I've asked Nathan to give me a lot of blessings in the course of the last few months, and they have all been very reassuring. It's nice to know that God is there and has your back even (and honestly, especially when) you're going through difficult times.

My mom had a good talk with me and out of tough love scheduled an appointment with a doctor so I could get on some anti-depressants about 6 weeks ago.

And although I put up a good fight and insisted I didn't need to be on anti-depressants I'm immensely grateful that I did start on them, because it has helped SO much. 

Like really, I feel so much better.

I know there's a stigma associated with anxiety and depression, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I've struggled with it recently.

Frankly the vast majority of people suffer it at some point in their lives, and it seems to be increasingly more common among my generation.

I am about to hit my three month mark of being a nurse and although I still have a looooonnnngggg way to go until I am completely comfortable with my position, and I know I still have a lot to improve upon in my life overall, I am feeling better day by day.

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill" 

-Henry B. Eyring

Disneyland 2016

Nathan's brother got married in San Diego a couple of weeks ago, so my in-laws being the very generous people that they are decided to take us all to Disneyland while we were out there! It was SO nice to escape and get away from the hustle and bustle of every day life and just enjoy a couple days where your only worry is what ride to get in line for next or when you're going to stop for your next giant pickle or turkey leg!

Here's the whole crew! Nathan's parents were such good sports and were able to keep up with all our tireless energy running from one place to the next! We got there when the park opened and didn't leave until it closed. Hardcore Disneylanding.

Haunted Mansion is my favorite ride ever. I promise I'm not a weird gothic person, I just really love Haunted Mansion. Despite the fact that I go to Disneyland like two times a year I haven't gotten to ride it for almost five years! Devastating huh! It had always been closed for one reason or another or it was the 'holiday' version which is not my fav. So I was very grateful I FINALLY got to ride it in its natural and perfect state!

Also, it rained the entire time. I wish I could say the almost constant down-pour scared away some guests but it certainly didn't. Spring break is always crowded down there, but we had our ponchos and good company so we didn't mind waiting in long lines in the rain (or at least I didn't, maybe I should just speak for myself? What can I say I am a Disneyland fanatic). I've always thought ponchos were so cheesy but I must say I felt very fortunate to have them haha! 

We also went to a Padres vs. Dodgers game in San Diego and that was a real treat. Despite the 7$ diet cokes (yes!! 7$) it was a lot of fun. Nathan served his mission in San Diego so I think he really enjoyed running around his old stomping grounds. One thing I was surprised by however was how many homeless people there around in downtown! They were lined up in tents and sleeping bags on the streets. I have never seen anything like it, it was very sad. But I guess if you have to be homeless San Diego wouldn't be such a bad place to be homeless in. The weather is consistently nice, after all. Still it was very shocking the sheer amount of people on the streets there were.

The weather has gotten really nice here in Utah, so I've been able to ride horses outside instead of in the barn freezing my toes and fingers off! Riding horses is such a relaxing thing for me. When I'm in the saddle I don't feel obligated to think about any of the worries of life and that's quite refreshing.

I have been so exhausted and tired lately, like I've been sleeping 11-12 hours a night on my days off, it's been ridiculous. I think it's a side effect of working such long and crazy shifts. I'm a nurse at a post-acute rehab/skilled nursing facility and I seriously clock in at 0600AM and don't leave until 1030/1100 at night. No lunch break, rarely a pee break. It is absolutely exhausting work, but I find a lot of satisfaction in it. I love being the 'nurse' and taking care of my patients! I just get so worn out by it. I go home and feel almost useless for anything else because I give so much and put so much energy out while at work. I've gotten overtime nearly every single week since I began working there! I won't lie the OT pay is nice but I wish I could get off on time, haha! Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a new nurse and still not at top efficiency, I don't know. But I've found it incredibly difficult to find motivation to work on school because I'm so pooped all the time!

Nathan and I will be moving at the end of the summer and I'm kind of sad, but also excited for it! So many emotions in one. We've lived in our same basement apartment for three years now! But I recognize it is definitely time to move on. I didn't get into the LPN-RN program for this fall, so a little bummed, but honestly also a little relieved about that. So this fall I can just work on some side classes and work while Nathan gets back in school.

Soooo much school! When will it end! *shakes fist at the sky*

Anyway, just a little update on the going-ons of life. Peace out my friends.

My First Month as a Nurse

So I passed my state boards and now I am officially a licensed *gasp* nurse. That title both invokes terrible fear and great excitement in my heart.

The first day they handed me the keys to the nurse's cart was a strange moment for me.

"Errr, are you sure I'm allowed to have these?"

"Yup, good luck with being legally responsible for everything that happens to these 15+ people for the next 12 hours!"

To say I was scared as hell is understating it slightly.

After my second day on the job I drove home sobbing on the phone to my mom, and then proceeded to cry in my car, parked in our garage for a good long while.

I cried a lot in February.

I feel the need to document this however because it's important to never lose sight of where you came from. They say it takes about a year to get comfortable working as a floor nurse, and I sincerely hope in a year that I can look back on this post and smile.

School gives you the very basic information you need, but your education really doesn't begin until you start working. Each shift I complete gives me that much more experience, and those shifts will eventually add up and string together until I finally become the confident, experienced nurse I hope to be.

Life's hard, but that's the nature of the beast. How would we grow stronger if we didn't have to pass through difficult times and trials? Comfort zones are for pansies, after all.

Heavenly Father is wise, he has a plan for all of us, and I know right now this is his plan for me. He won't ever leave ya hangin' though! He always gives you the tools you need to accomplish the tasks he asks you to do. Even if he lets you stumble and fall a little bit, he will always help you back up.

Faith and Such

I graduated from my LPN program at the beginning of this month! I can't believe I am already finished, and am getting ready to take the NCLEX on monday (ahhhh).

My mom is a labor and delivery RN and has been for the past 23 + years. I think she was probably the most happy with my career choice, haha.

This is only about 1/3 of my class but I am so grateful for all the wonderful, talented people I got to meet the past year. At the beginning of my program I seriously said a prayer that I'd make some friends and I am happy to report that I definitely did. I laughed and (literally) cried with these people.

My sweet grandma and grandpa Greene got me some flowers for graduation. They are the awesomest.

I thought for sure once I finished this program I would be ready to have a baby (I mean helllooo we've been married like 3 years) but honestly I've just been getting the impression that I need to continue with school and finish my RN first.... which is ok actually. Hoping to get into an LPN-RN bridge program this fall, so we'll see how that all pans out.

I trust God has a plan for me and have faith that it'll work out, even if it's not exactly the plan I'm envisioning at the moment, haha.

My mom, aunt, cousin, sister and myself went down to St. George a couple weekends ago to run a 5k and just hang it! I have to say it was sooo nice to get out of town for a couple days, and just eat copious amounts of Swig and McDonald's fries.

I could live off of Diet Dr. Pepper and fries. Truly I could.

Pictured above is an insanely cheesy shot of me during the race! I never look up the pictures they take during races but my aunt sent me this one and I thought it was too classic not to immortalize forever by posting it on my blog.

Got to ride horses down by the lake last week, and despite my frozen, numb fingers and toes I enjoyed myself. One of my favorite smells in all the world is that of horses. I mean it's no anthropologie candle but I think it's a fabulous smell and it reminds me of all sorts of good memories.

Anyway I'm experiencing some pretty severe writers block but felt the need to post some pictures so THE END.

An Idaho Christmas (and other stuff).

This year was our turn to go up to Idaho to spend Christmas with Nathan's side of the family.

You know the song, "over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go....."  just turn that song into a picture and that's pretty much what it looks like going to Driggs, ID for Christmas.

You literally pass over a river, and through some woods, and across miles and miles and miles and miles of snow covered wheat fields. Dirt roads, old red barns and a charming small town main street lit up in Christmas lights to boot.

It truly is something out of a storybook. 

The first day of our break we went sledding down a magnificently large hill, titled 'Kay's Hill'. So named for Nathan's grandparents who owned a dairy farm at the bottom of the hill. It's funny, everything in small towns is named after who lives there or by some random event that occurred there. Things like 'Hatch's corner' or 'Moulton Barn'. These landmarks are always used in reference when giving directions, for example: "You'll drive about 10 minutes down the road, passed Hatch's corner and continue on until Moulton Barn" or whatever, just something like that. Directions that make absolutely no sense unless you're from the darn place.

 Nathan doesn't like to open his eyes for picture, apparently. I still love him.

 After the sledding extravaganza we snowmobiled over to 'our tree'. 

What makes it 'our tree' you ask?! Well it has our initials on it, that's why! We carved this over three years ago and here it stands! It has withstood the test of time, just like our marriage. Haha.

Here it is when we originally carved it. Cool, eh.

ANYWAY. Back to Christmas. Here stands my beautiful lighthouse gingerbread creation I made. Do you like? We actually had two gingerbread house making parties this year but I have chosen not to picture my other creation because my grandma Abbott told me it wasn't very good (ha! you've gotta know her). I actually agree with her though, I tried to make a hobbit hole and it kind of just looked like a green blob so we'll leave it at that. I'm proud of this one however so I'll share it with the internet.

My mom sent me with (and Nathan but he refused to wear his) this beautiful, festive Santa Claus headband. I love it and will wear it for many years to come.

One of the best parts of Christmas break was I got to eat lunch with friends 3 days in a row! It was awesome. Unfortunately I did not get a picture each day but these are the friends I see the very least so I had to document this occasion. My dearest friend Cassady has been living in Georgia the past year or so and I've missed her terribly. Also Marisa moved to New Jersey recently and I also miss her dearly. And Shae, dear Shae, if you are reading this you are awesome and I will always appreciate you.

And I can't forget this beauty. My sister in law (who is also named Hannah) and myself had the privilege of riding in plastic sleds pulled by a team of draft horses across a small pasture. That description makes it sounds cooler than it was, all in all it was like a 5 second ride across a small field and back but I thought it was pretty cool, OK?

In conclusion I had a really nice Christmas break, I haven't had a full week off like that since I was in High School. I read a buttload of Harry Potter and almost didn't know what to do with myself and all that free time. It was great.