Yeah I'll have the double, with fries.

I don't have really anything in particular to say so I'm just going to spew all over this blog whatever goes through my head in the next fifteen minutes.

Today, I conquered a fear of mine. I am afraid of driving through busy places I'm not familiar with. Derby is not such a busy place, but Wichita, which is quite close to it, is. Wichita has 600,000 thousand people in it. That's a lot, alright. Driving through Wichita scares the dang crap out of me. But I knew had I to do it, because later tonight I have to go to Institute and it's in Wichita and I've never driven there by myself before. So I practiced. And I thought to myself, Hannah, you're going to climb this mountain. You're going to overcome this fear. So I put the pedal to the metal and I drove to the institute building. Successfully. Without getting in a car wreck. I was scared to death but I did it and now I feel quite proud of myself.

Also, one of my weaknesses is not being able to say what I mean very well. I'm not very articulate. I feel one thing and I just can't possibly explain it in any sort of understandable manner. It's really quite unfortunate. I try and I try, but the words that come out of my mouth just don't do what I actually feel justice. I wish I was a more powerful speaker, and had a little more charisma, but alas, I don't. I'm shy and get uncomfortable with things that are unknown to me. I like to feel safe, secure. But I purposely force myself to do stuff that's out of my comfort zone because I know that it's good for me. But it literally tortures me to do it. Serously, driving that car downtown today scared the crap out of me, but I did it anyway, and now I feel slightly better about life but it still makes me nervous.

And surprise, surprise, I am homesick. Although to a lesser extent than I was at the beginning of college so I guess it's slightly better. It's a different sort of homesick. It's more like, wow. I really miss my home and people that I love and my friends and family and going to the sticky shoe on saturday nights and eating maverick yogurt. I also really miss my grandparents. I miss talking to them all the time and going over to their house. But I understand that this is the place I'm supposed to be right now so it's ok, but I just really miss home. And I know that the world isn't going to stop just because I'm not there right now. Home is going to continue changing and the people are going to continue to move on with their lives. The simple fact of the matter is that while I can always go back there, and I can never really go back. You pickin' up my drift?

But somehow this is all for the greater good. I know it is. Also I know God is going to take care of me. I. Know. It. The big man upstairs isn't gonna let me down just as long as I am obediant. That's all that matters when it comes down to it. Faith and obediance, faith and obediance. Remember that, kids.

And I can't forget about that boy that has a crooked smile. Because I like it. And sometimes I wish he'd go away but I know that's stupid of me, because I really really appreciate hearing from him every week. It means so much to me, he means a lot to me. But since I have a problem with saying what I actually feel I wonder if I'll ever be able to tell him that without sounding like a complete idiot.

Heck ya!

The time will come when you will fall in love.

It will occupy all of your thoughts and be the stuff of which your

dreams are made.  There can be so much happiness if there is

an effort to please and an overwhelming desire to make

comfortable and happy ones companion.  You will know no

greater happiness than that found in your home.  The truest

mark of your success in life will be the quality of your

marriage.  I could wish for you nothing more wonderful

than the love, the absolute total love, of a companion of

whom you are proud and worthy in every respect.

- President Hinkley

Back in the Mid-west

First day on the job!

Hannah Abbott. Normal red-headed girl,  has been uprooted to America's Heartland. The great mid-western state of Kansas. Where the amber waves of grain roll beautifully in the seemingly relentless wind. Where the big blue sky stretches on forever and where the phrase "wide open spaces" takes on a whole new meaning. It is lovely here. The people are friendly and smile at you, and the sun shines for the most part.

They say the times you really find yourself is when you lose yourself. And that my friends, is true. In many different senses I suppose. But sometimes you just have to wind up getting lost, and it really is the best thing that could happen because when you're lost often times that's the best time to find yourself again. Anyway, I'm really trying to be deep and profound if you couldn't tell. But what I'm really getting at here is that we think we know where we're headed in life, we think we know where we're going and what's gonna happen. Then suddenly a big whirlwind picks you up and lands you in the middle of nowhere, where you know no one and you're not really you anymore, you become someone a little different. And that someone different is someone better than you were before, and things that would've been lost on you beforehand, are now clear as a bell. Lots of great lessons to be learned when you get lost, let me tell ya.

Go listen to the Brad Paisley song "Find Yourself" if you really want to hear what I'm talkin' about, cuz pretty sure I just slaughtered that. It was all clear in my head but sometimes what I'm thinking doesn't come out well through my fingers. Just go listen to the dang song.

Kansas is good though. I like it out here. I miss home a lot, and I miss mi familia, but this is all for the betterment of myself. I've had the opportunity to really slow down and take a look at myself and who I am out here, and I never had that time before. So it's good. I spend my time writing letters to people and working two jobs and hanging out with my aunt. I can't complain. I'm well fed and I have a bed to sleep on.

And, drum roll please....

THE QT IS HERE!!!! Oh boy. Oh golly good gosh. The QT, or the "Quik Trip" is the world's greatest gas station ever. It is beautiful, glorious, wonderful. It's indescrible. They have a whole wall dedicated to various fountain drinks, and shakes of all flavors, and endless rows of candies of every shape and size. I'm a bit of a gas station connoisseur so excuse me here for being so excited about a convenience store but it really is beautiful. By far one of the best things Kansas has to offer.

Well kids, there's no place like home, but Kansas isn't half bad.

The Great Commandment

My most favoritest quote of all time is:

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

It comes from my most favoritest talk in the world by President Ezra Taft Benson which you can access right here.

Anyway in essence what President Benson is saying is that if we but only put God first, everything else shall fall into its proper place. Nothing else matters. We do that first and all will work out as it should. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims of our affection - meaning the it will govern the people we seek after to spend our time with. It influences our friends as well as any sort of relationships we may pursue. The demands on our time, the interests we pursue - meaning it will also influence the jobs we seek after, entertainment, hobbies, etc. It will influence what we choose to do with our lives, as well as govern the order of our priorities, meaning once again, if we but put God first, then our priorities will straighten out, and things that are most important to us will change for the better.

Pretty much, life is simple. We love God, and all else is well. Not saying we still won't struggle and have trials, but rather we'll have more strength to push through and learn from those trials. Our lives will go as they should if we but choose to follow the first commandment, which is to love God.

Easy enough, eh.

Tidings of Great Joy

Oh what a lovely evening, filled with graham crackers, laughter, and an over abundance of Christmas candy.

You know the saying "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". Well that is totally true. I didn't realize - well I mean I guess I always knew, but I didn't fully realize how much I appreciate and love my friends and family until I was removed from them. I missed everyone and everything so dearly. Raise you're hand if you are a homebody. Because I am. I am one who likes the feeling of familiarity, safety, security. I don't handle change all too well. But I force myself to do it anyway cuz it's good for me. Like drinking that nasty cherry flavored cough syrup. You don't want to do it, you don't enjoy doing it, but you do it anyway cuz the end result it great.

But now I am back, if only for a short, fleeting moment. And it is good to wake up in the early morning and see the sun rising over those glorious mountains, and it feels good to drive around town, up and down through the lights of Main Street, checking to see the movies playing at the Sticky Shoe and ending up at the gas station for an ice cold beverage. Just like the old times.

And it feels especially good to be hugged by old friends who you haven't seen in a while and to laugh with them again.

And also to have your dad cook you delicious gourmet hamburgers and to listen to your mom laugh at her own jokes and to shake your head at your brother in disapproval as he runs around shirtless.

I seriously have some sentimentality issues. I would make a terrible drifter. I could never be a ramblin' woman. I mean I understand the whole "romance" of traveling from place to place, never staying too long anywhere. But come on. That would never actually work for me.

I am one heck of a grounded girl.

So that's why I'm forcing myself to move around right now, so I can hurry up and learn my lesson and then settle down and never leave home again.

Anyway. Merriest Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

I love these peeps.

Around Town

For whatever reason driving around the town all night listening to Tim Mcgraw and talking about nothin' in particular just feels like home to me.

It's good to be back. Even if I've been running from a lot of the memories here for the past four months. But now all those memories seem like so long ago. So far away that I can't even reach out and touch them anymore.

That's a good thing.

It's good to move on.

Also... I'm now officially 19 YEARS OLD!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy canolie where did the time go?!?! Nobody knows. My very last year of teenager-hood.

Bring it on!

Looking Back

If we stop and look back on our lives we can trace back through all of the decisions we made that got us to where we currently are. Now that my first semester of college has gone by faster than a runaway train it has left me thinking about where the time has gone.

How did I get to be here?

I think as we are living life we don't realize what is happening to ourselves. But then when we grow a little older and get a little taller we are able to finally look back and see everything that happened, and then we realize all that we learned.

And we also smile because we recognize that we are better people than before.

Each day is filled with something new, some other life lesson that we might not realize is changing us until after it is all said and done.

My first semester of college. Now that it has come to a close I can at last look back and see.

Let's be perfectly honest with each other now.. I struggled a lot. I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I am afraid of change, and he is quite right.

We all are in some degree or another - agreed?

But it is good to struggle. That's the only way to grow.

 People do say that a lot but as sure as the day is long it's true!

Life changes and so do our situations, we just have to learn to adjust to those changes and make the most out of it. We gotta learn to have faith that it will work out.

That is what I learned this semester. I also realized that everybody else is going through the same darn thing. Who knew, right?

Life is gonna get real good people, just you wait. And this isn't even the beginnin'!